Congrats on Turning 71! (Except you, Wizard of Oz)

Apparently The Wizard of Oz turned 71 this year.
Really?
Is this a landmark birthday? For a movie, I dare to say "No!" Yet for the following people, I declare "Yes!" I shout it loudly at the top of my lungs, "Yes! Yes! Yes! This IS a landmark birthday!"
In the pursuit of pure scientific discovery, here is a list of people who are 71 this year. Be prepared to be surprised.

Are/Will Be:
David Winters--Actor. West Side Story.

Dion DiMucci-- of Dion and the Belmonts fame

George Hamilton-- Actor. 2 episodes of "Columbo." Just kidding. But seriously he was.

Ginger Young--I'm just going to insert some Wikipedia tidbits. The important parts.
American model. Actress. Playmate of the Month, May 1960. Likeness on recordings released by RCA, Capitol Records, and Warner Bros. Did a commercial for Chock Full O'Nuts Coffee.

Ian McKellen--Actor. Gandolf. Duh.

John Cleese--Actor. "Fawlty Towers" is by far my favorite series of his.
Lily Tomlin--Actress. If you don't know who she is...shame on you.

Michael Learned--Actress, "The Waltons"!!!!!! I loved that show. I almost put her on the wrong list because I vaguely remember something terrible happening to her character's health.

Neil Sedaka--Singer. I'm not going to lie. I was surprised he was on this list instead of the, uh, other one.

Phil Spector---Ehhhhhh professional creepo....
Ralph Lauren--Designer. Apparently, he did the wardrobe for Annie Hall. Of course he did...

Sonny Chiba--Actor. A bunch of Japanese movies I can't pronounce. And Kill Bill.

Tina Turner--Singer. Big hair. Hip swivel. Done and done.

Would Be:
Dusty Springfield--Singer. "Wishin' and Hopin'"
Harvey Pekar--Writer/Actor. American Splendor
Lee Harvey Oswald--Actor in a film called "Life." Character: Normal Human Being.
Marvin Gaye--Amazing musician.
Sal Mineo--Actor, also in "Columbo"...interesting. And something called Rebel Without a Cause, or something. I don't know.


Happy Birthday, you guys. You deserve it.
Back off Wizard of Oz. Wait 4 more years and I'll celebrate with you.

Forever de Young

"Oh, so you're graduating pretty soon then, right? What are your plans for afterward? I mean, what are you planning on doing with your life?"

Yeah, that one doesn't get old. I know they just mean well (maybe) and just want to start a conversation (probably) and are just trying to deflect the attention from their own lives onto the imminent failure of my own (most likely). Yet that doesn't mean that question and its various forms don't find a way under my skin, mainly because I have no idea what I'm going to do. Also included in this are the disbelieving, almost pitying looks I receive when I say that I'm an English major who doesn't want to teach, but wants to write. This is usually followed by "So, what do you REALLY want to do? I mean, writing. Pfft. You could never make a living off that like, say, I am in my ultra-successful desk job that makes me want to jump off of the roof of a building."

I've never really been concerned about what I would do after graduation, but thanks to you wonderful conversationalists who so clearly have your own lives worked out, I feel an immense pressure to succeed.

I will therefore, become a painting impersonator. (How's THAT for a montrously ineffective transition?)

The best part is that this wasn't even planned. I just showed up and found my doppelganger all set and ready to be photographed.
I'm planning on adding more pictures I took at the museum later on when my computer isn't harassing me for being used.


In the meanwhile, don't save that cubicle next to you, dear office worker. I won't be there.

Scenes from: Life as a Vampire (Some with Slight Revisions)

Orthodontist: Wow. You've got some really pointy canines.
Adolescent Kelly: Ehhhhhhh, yes?
O: You know when we get these braces off, we can file those down for you.
AK: Oh. Uhhhh. No, thanks. I'll be needing those. *Fft Fft attack!*


Random Stranger: Dude! You have awesome vampire teeth!
Kelly: Yes, I do.
RS: Are those like, natural, or did you get them, like sharpened or something?
K: Yes, they are natural. Plus, I file them to a point on human neck-flesh every night when I feed. On an unrelated note, what's your address and do you have a particular time by which you know you'll be asleep tonight?
K: Mom, my throat really hurts this morning. Oh and I was up all night with a stomachache. Oh and I couldn't breathe. Oh and I want to die.
Mom: Well, do you think you're sick?
K: No, I think I'm probably allergic to something I ate. I felt like this the last time we ate out too.
M: Do you have any idea of what it could be? What you ate both times?
K: No, I mean except- Oh. My. Gosh.
M: What?
K: The Caesar Salad.
M: Why do you think it's that?
K: It has tons of............garlic. *audience gasp. hair flip. striking glance to camera. quick scene cut.*

Fin.

Until next time...
Farewell.
Lock your windows.
And be nice to me.
For your own good.

Shark Week: Middle of the Week

...I'm not ok with this.
The only thing scarier than river sharks are building sharks.

Shark Week: Day 1 (ish)

Anyone else want to see Batman host a Shark Week series?
Anyone?
Anyone?



On an only slightly related note...


Please be sure to note blue-knit-shirt-guy's nipple and belly button cut-outs.
Thank you and be sure to join us again next time for... WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!

Kindergarten Lunch

I had to go to work right after church, so I packed myself a lunch.

It made me think about being in kindergarten, Room A-2 with Mrs. Key. Also, my hand-drawn hearts looked nothing like this when I was younger.

I remember the sun shining a lot like that too. Too bright and a little hazy.

I ate all my blueberries this time, though.
Of course not until after I ate my fruit snacks.

On Showering

Confession:
I hate showering. I do it, but I really really hate it. It just seems like such a monumental waste of time (unlike, say, blogging or having a Gilmore Girls marathon).

Don't get grossed out. I do it, and do it often. But I mean come on...who actually likes showering enough that they want to shower on an airplane?

"Designed for single-usage." Pfft. I'm so sure. You know how airplane people are.

Seriously. This isn't a joke. Alert perverse traveling men everywhere.

Dear in-flight shower creator,
You're an idiot.
Love,
Janet