Terrible Poem Tuesday

I'm in a poetry class this quarter. I have to suffer so you do too. (Not that I don't really mind writing poetry, it's just that whole critiquing poetry thing. How are you supposed to do that? With essays, it's easy. It makes sense or it doesn't. It's grammatically correct or it's not. With poetry, you can do whatever the heck you want. So welcome to my life for the next 10 weeks.)

This week's assignment: Write a direct address to "you."

Give You Away
by Kelly Maitlen


Do
Not
Touch me.

All day
You ignore me.


I try to hold you
But you push me
Away.

Now
You want to be near me?
Now
You want my love?

Leave
Me
Alone.

We sleep alone at night.
What makes you think
I want you here now
in the day?

Your body
has no place
next to mine.
This bed
is only big enough
for one.

I am beneath these blankets
to keep you out
not to entice you beneath them.

I just
Want
To sleep.

Have you finally gone?
Thank—
God!
Get
Out
Now.

Keep your whiskers
Off my cheek
And your nose
Out of my ear
And for God’s sake

Get
Off
My head!

Fine.
You win.

Oh don’t smirk.
You forget
These hands
Are the ones that feed you.
These, the fingers
That scratch your ears.

I know.
I love you, too.

Wake me again tomorrow
And I’ll
Give
You
Away.

(ed., As if you didn't already know I'm a crazy cat lady. Yikes. Might as well end off strong with a picture of my cats, Cricket and Ducky.)

I've Found My New Profession

Ahhhhhhh look at that window seat!!!!!

If it ever goes missing...and I happen to simultaneously go missing...don't bother looking for us. We're going to live a long happy life together out in the woods where it always rains and I have an endless supply of tea and sweaters and pumpkin scented candles. And it's always Fall. And I can play Scrabble in between books. And a cat. There's a cat there somewhere.

Welcome to this week's episode of "This Is Your Life," Crazy Cat Lady edition. Yikes.

SuperNerd Has the Shining

The other day at school it was raining really hard and I had 2 hours to kill between classes so I went to the library trying to find something to read, being the SuperNerd that I am. (More about my SuperNerdiness later).

After wandering around for awhile in the fiction section, I wound up amongst the "K" authors. I have a feeling this is due to my subconscious narcissism surrounding the letter that begins my name. Anyway, I saw Stephen King's massive collection (please keep puns to yourself) but ignored it for the simple fact that I'm a big chicken. I meandered around a little bit longer but kept being drawn magnetically back to that same section. Aside from the fact that I felt like I was part of one of his novels (maybe the books come to life and kill the Crazy Cat Ladies in the stacks after first seducing them a la Christine?), I bolstered all my bravery and finally chose The Shining.

Now, I'd heard all about The Shining before, which really is probably the only reason I chose it. My family even went to The Stanley Hotel in Colorado on a road trip back when I was younger and saw the infamous Room #217. Oh and by the way, I had a Stanley Hotel t-shirt, which I want back. I'm sure I've outgrown it by now, but I think I could at least squeeze my torso into it with my arms clamped to my sides.

Before my dad went crazy and tried to kill us.

After he tried to kill us by throwing us over the banister.
(And after looking at these, I'm pretty sure my sister was in on the whole thing. Look at her evil little expression in the first one and then her giggling and trying to choke my mom in the 2nd one. The horror.)

Plus, my sister and I began to channel the hallway twins.

So I was figuring "If I know everything that's going to happen, I can't get too freaked out, right?"
Wrong.
I completely skipped reading the Room #217 scene.
I'm only halfway through and I'm speed-reading everything in hopes that I won't accidentally read something that will scare me (like how I've been these last few months whenever I see the word "LOST" anywhere, since I've yet to start the last season).

So that's where I am on that. I'll keep you updated. I'm sure I'll be up in the middle of the night wide-awake needing something to do to keep my mind off of naked bath tub lady.

On to SuperNerd 101 (i.e. how to be as lame as me).

1. Take a Graphic Novel class
2. Freak out when you can't find a Star Wars swimsuit online. (Stupid misogynistic genre...all that was out there was Leia's bikini flappy thing from "Return of the Jedi").
3. Watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, extended versions. (And if you're smart, hate on Frodo for being incredibly whiny. Then argue about all the movies' subtleties weeks after you watch them).
4. Get hit on by guys only when you wear your glasses.
5. Spend too much time looking for the Mudflap Girl reading a book bumper sticker.

I'm sure I'll add to this list later. You really can't confine SuperNerdiness to just 5 simple points. It's a lifestyle that takes commitment.

A Dragon Lives Forever But Not So Little Girls

I'm procrastinating big time. I have to be at class in like 2 1/2 hours and I'm still trying to figure out something else to do. I can't find a jump rope and the squirrels keep running away when I try to talk to them. Ergo, blog time.

Well, I was stuck for what I could possibly write about that wouldn't cause me to repeatedly bang my head against the keyboard when I go back to read it a week from now, when the most amazing thing happened. I started working on my papers that are due.

Whaaaaaaat?

This has never happened before. It's always the other way around. I'm stuck on my paper so I use my blog as a distraction.
Is this what it feels like to be an adult (pronounced ah-dolt)?
Am I becoming a mature contributor to the society we call "Life"?
I wasn't prepared for this! I'm supposed to have a few more good years left in me still! This wasn't supposed to happen for at least a few more months when I graduate!
But all the signs are here.
I'm drinking coffee (black...we'll talk about what I think of you sugar/cream ninnies later), wearing glasses, and working on my resume'. All I'm missing is one of my dumbbell cats sitting on my lap to cement my adulthood (aka Crazy Cat Lady-ness).

AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I've been aimlessly searching around the house for some sign that I've not yet crossed over. But alas and alack. Nothing. "Alas and alack"??????????

This is the end.

Do adults even write blogs? My dad is constantly mocking mine...maybe it's true.
Even the identity crisis I'm currently facing is incredibly adult!

Well kids and kittens, I guess that's it.
Rufio has drawn the line in the sand and I'm stuck with Peter Banning pre-Peter Pan transformation.

Excuse me while I curl up in an incredibly adult fetal position and cry.