Netflix Will Abduct Your Taste Level

I hate to brag (pfft) but I'm somewhat of a movie aficionado, as Hemingway would say (although in this case, I'm passionate about any mind-melting media rather than bull fights).
So as I pulled up Netflix to see what was new in the Television Show section, I noticed a few things that I feel need to be shared with you.
1. Let me give you a fraction and you guess to what it refers. 19/39
Correct. 19/39 new TV shows recommended for me were "Barney" videos. Another 10 or so were "Bob the Builder." "Dr. Who" and "Bonanza" got thrown in for good measure, because, come on, you've got to be a well-rounded person right?

2. "Ken Burns' The Shakers"
Here's the little blurb about it:
"Acclaimed documentary filmmaker Ken Burns directs this look at the unique religion and the peaceful and productive pastimes the Shakers practice on a daily basis. In this engrossing exploration of a little-known part of American culture, Burns brings to life the history, politics, and dynamic personalities that made the Shaker phenomenon possible -- and that make it symbolic of all that America is and was."

Interesting that summary-writer-guy wrote "practice" in the present tense. He doesn't mention the fact that the Shakers DIED OUT because they believed in celibacy FOR LIFE. I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of productive. Who the heck wrote this summary anyway? Stephen Glass? That person should get paid bank for bolstering the Shakers' reputation up to at least minutely significant. Wait, what's he trying to say by them being "symbolic" of America anyway?

3. "A Program About Unusual Buildings & Other Roadside Stuff"
This one was a real contender. There's a giant swan-shaped building on the cover.

4. Winner: "Where Are All the UFOs?"
I'm currently still watching this one. 21 minutes into it and one woman has already claimed that a government official beat her with a nightstick to keep her from talking about aliens.
Highlight from 1960 film footage:

Interviewee: "They told me that language is no barrier to them anywhere. They can speak any language."
Reporter: "So they told you that in English?
Interviewee: "Yes."
Reporter: "What were their clothes like?"
Interviewee: "The women had a radiant red box-pleated skirt, and a black velvet-appearing blouse, and a black and red tam--or beret-- and the men had clothes very similar to our Greyhound Bus drivers."

Thank you for that insightful fashion update, Joan Rivers.

I won't ruin the rest for you. You just need to watch it.

Plus it's on the History Channel, so...it's gotta be true, right?

Easter Dinner: Muskie With a Side of Crazy

I realize most people have crazy families. Or at least, they think their families are crazy, when in reality, if they spent even an hour at my house, they would go home crying to their completely normal mummies and daddies.

Case in Point: Easter 2010.
Sunday's schedule went a bit like this:

5:45 am--Wake up for Sunrise Service
6:20 am--Arrive at park and lug around heavy chairs
6:30 am--Drink coffee while wrapped in blanket at service
7:30 am--Eat continental breakfast. Finish. Eat more. Drink more coffee.
9:00 am--Church. Feel shaky from coffee overdose.
11:30 am--Nap time.
11:50 am--Wake up from excessive kitchen noise from parents. Go out and shoot daggers at them with my eyes.
11:52 am--Eat. Clang dishes around angrily from being woken up.
12:30 pm--Go back to sleep.
1:00 pm--Wake up. Eat more.
2:30 pm--Start listening to 102.1 KNCI, the classical music station online. Turn it ALL the way up and distract family from reading newspaper when the theme song to "The Magnificent Seven" comes on.
2:31 pm--Begin searching Western theme songs on YouTube for the next half hour with my family. Dancing and hopping and off-key singing ensues.
3:45 pm--Dinner with friends at Spaghetti Factory. Sister and I loudly discuss ultimate murder plan. Effectively weird out our waitress. Leave with all our silverware stabbed in the loaf of bread.
5:00 pm--Go home to play games. (I may mention that this family that is with us is nearly as insane as my family).
5:30 pm--Dye eggs (pictures to follow in future blog).
6:00 pm--Get killed in Mafia as an act of revenge. Like I said then...THIS ISN'T OVER.
9:00 pm--Eat more candy.
10:00 pm--Complain that it isn't late enough to go to sleep yet.
10:15 pm--Go to sleep.

Pretty typical day.
The following conversation occurred sometime after the Western hi-jinx and before dinner.
Just imagine the respective theme songs from "Gunsmoke" and "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly" playing in the background...

The Sister's Boyfriend casually mentions being scared of sharks...

Mom: The girls are scared of sharks in lakes too.
Kelly: There are such things as freshwater sharks!
Mom: But they don’t attack!
Kelly: Yeah they DO! "Jaws" was based on Bull Shark attacks in freshwater rivers!
Dad: Yeah but it was a Great White.
Kelly: No! They were Bull Sharks! "Jaws" was based on Bull Sharks that attacked and killed people in freshwater rivers in New Jersey! I saw it on the Discovery or History Channel or something. That means it's reliable.
Dad: Yeah but… it was a Great White.
Mom: No...in lakes, it’s the muskie you gotta look out for.
Sister: Muskie?! What! Who has ever died from a muskie attack? You think muskie will attack and kill you?
Mom: They won’t but they might mistake your toe for something! And nibble on them. Kelly, look it up.
Kelly: Did you just say they nibble at your toes?
Mom: Yeah. I did.
Sister: Oh yeah mom? Have they nibbled at YOUR toes?
Mom: No. But they like to go for the phalanges.
Sister: So they just think “Hmm, I’m going to go for these roots attached to this branch.”
Dad: They have razor sharp teeth!
Annnnnd scene.

I think we learned a valuable lesson from this: My family says the word "Yeah" way more than is appropriate.

Muskie:
(I'm never going swimming again. Anywhere. Ever.)














Muskie Bite:
(This is just too disgusting for the weak of heart and stomach to embed)
Chomp