Hook Hook Wears the Look

It has come to my attention that some people have watched "Hook" one too many times. I'm thinking specifically about designers today, who have hobviously drawn inspiration from this classic film.
Designer Antonio Marras...
...from Thud Butt?
Actress Annalynne McCord...
...from Rufio?
Vivienne Westwood's boots...
...and Dirty Gurty Cheryl Cole's Julien MacDonald jacket


...from Cpt. Hook himself?

I guess it's better "Hook" than "Cats"

Napuation

I went to a graduation ceremony last night that was 2 1/2 hours long.
That's a long time, folks.
Sitting in a comfy seat in the dark watching "Lord of the Rings" for that long is one thing.
Sitting scrunched together, sweating and getting shushed every time you say something is another.
So as I lay in bed this morning, suffering the aftermath of an intense boredom hangover, I started wondering about who I would like to see speak at graduation.

(Let me be clear. All of the individual graduation events and speakers were wonderful. The combination of all of them in one sitting, however, was just to dang much.)

Han Solo:
He would look super sexy, have excellent one-liners, and probably shoot someone if they got out of line.

Michael Scott:
He would most likely offend someone, be really awkward, and conclude by having the entire audience applaud him off the stage. If we were really lucky, he would crowd surf. Don't forget about his ridiculous outfits, stance on drugs, the free computers he would promise, and "that's what she said" jokes.

Paula Abdul:
Drunk or cracked out. Either one is pretty self-explanatory. Plus all the grads would feel really good about themselves after she was done speaking and applauding them.
Sawyer from "LOST"/Grandpa Munster:
They would give all the grads (and possibly any disruptive audience members) new nicknames and just heckle them. These guys would be far more interesting for the audience than the grads, since it would probably end up being more like a roast.

Cpt. Quint:
He would be interesting as long as he told his shark tales. After that, you could just nap while he droned on and on and on and on and on...

Only You Can Prevent Whale Revolution

Why am I the only person in the world who's scared of whales? Does no one else realize that those giant blubber-masses are called "Killer Whales" for a reason??

One of my most frequently recurring nightmares features me (in slow-mo-mode, of course) falling into a whale tank or the whale tank breaking and spilling water everywhere and I'm left to run away from it or entering a dark room only to have a giant whale tank light up in neon purple like in "Free Willy." And of course every single time I have this dream, I jolt awake covered in sweat, which freaks me out even more, because I think that it must be aquarium water.

So imagine my horror, when I discovered that today, May 28, is Whale Day.
WHALE.
DAY.
WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING?????
Whose idea was this???? Do they really think that empowering whales in this way is a GOOD idea?? Thanks to you, holiday-maker-upper-guy, the whales now have a prime opportunity to take over the world. Way to go.
Let's think here...
Monstro: the only time I can ever remember crying in the movie theater is when "Pinocchio" was re-released and we accidentally came into the theater too early and just so happened to see the part where Monstro was thrashing across the sea. I burst into tears and had to be carried out into the lobby.

Unidentified Whale: I don't know what this is, but it's horrifying and makes me want to cry.


Humphrey: Oh. Right. You expect us to believe that you were just "wayward"? Such a liar. Doing reconnaissance is more like it, you little sneak.

Tilikklilium: I neither understand nor care about the politics of this picture. Here's the point. Whales. Are. On. Land.

I hope this was enlightening. And terrifying.
Just remember this mantra:
Jail the whales...Jail the whales...Jail the whales...








[This is obviously a much needed topic, since I am apparently the only one to search for "murderous whales" on Google images.]

DT: I Like You Better Than My Sister Likes Me

I was debating about which of these posts I wanted to use for Dewey Tuesday, and I ultimately decided that the one below is far more informative.

So I'm currently watching "When in Rome" (Shut up. The Olsen twins and I have a connection that your cynicism can't break), and as the opening credits were rolling, I recognized one of the names. Archie Kao...Archie Kao?...where have I heard that name before?

And in a moment of apostrophe (I think you mean "epiphany"), it came to me.
C.
S.
I.

Yes, Archie Kao is none other than Archie Johnson, Lab Rat.
And this guy was 33 in "When in Rome" when he was supposed to be like 20.
Blew my freaking mind.

He also extraed as Sand Crab #4 in LOST

Speaking of mind altering revelations...
Yesterday, I discovered that Gus from "Psych" is also Sam the Onion Man from "Holes"!!!
And when I told my sister, completely out of breath and glowing, she just nodded her head and said "yeah-I-know" like it was no big deal and I was the biggest idiot for not figuring it out sooner.
That took the wind out of my sails.
Why the heck didn't she tell me sooner??
Oh yeah, because she's evil.

I made a billion sellin' onions, now I'm out to make a trillion. I blew all my first million makin' my hair high as a buildin'.

Well. I'm not as inconsiderate as she is. Which is why I'm sharing with you.
You're welcome.

SuperNerd Has the Shining

The other day at school it was raining really hard and I had 2 hours to kill between classes so I went to the library trying to find something to read, being the SuperNerd that I am. (More about my SuperNerdiness later).

After wandering around for awhile in the fiction section, I wound up amongst the "K" authors. I have a feeling this is due to my subconscious narcissism surrounding the letter that begins my name. Anyway, I saw Stephen King's massive collection (please keep puns to yourself) but ignored it for the simple fact that I'm a big chicken. I meandered around a little bit longer but kept being drawn magnetically back to that same section. Aside from the fact that I felt like I was part of one of his novels (maybe the books come to life and kill the Crazy Cat Ladies in the stacks after first seducing them a la Christine?), I bolstered all my bravery and finally chose The Shining.

Now, I'd heard all about The Shining before, which really is probably the only reason I chose it. My family even went to The Stanley Hotel in Colorado on a road trip back when I was younger and saw the infamous Room #217. Oh and by the way, I had a Stanley Hotel t-shirt, which I want back. I'm sure I've outgrown it by now, but I think I could at least squeeze my torso into it with my arms clamped to my sides.

Before my dad went crazy and tried to kill us.

After he tried to kill us by throwing us over the banister.
(And after looking at these, I'm pretty sure my sister was in on the whole thing. Look at her evil little expression in the first one and then her giggling and trying to choke my mom in the 2nd one. The horror.)

Plus, my sister and I began to channel the hallway twins.

So I was figuring "If I know everything that's going to happen, I can't get too freaked out, right?"
Wrong.
I completely skipped reading the Room #217 scene.
I'm only halfway through and I'm speed-reading everything in hopes that I won't accidentally read something that will scare me (like how I've been these last few months whenever I see the word "LOST" anywhere, since I've yet to start the last season).

So that's where I am on that. I'll keep you updated. I'm sure I'll be up in the middle of the night wide-awake needing something to do to keep my mind off of naked bath tub lady.

On to SuperNerd 101 (i.e. how to be as lame as me).

1. Take a Graphic Novel class
2. Freak out when you can't find a Star Wars swimsuit online. (Stupid misogynistic genre...all that was out there was Leia's bikini flappy thing from "Return of the Jedi").
3. Watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, extended versions. (And if you're smart, hate on Frodo for being incredibly whiny. Then argue about all the movies' subtleties weeks after you watch them).
4. Get hit on by guys only when you wear your glasses.
5. Spend too much time looking for the Mudflap Girl reading a book bumper sticker.

I'm sure I'll add to this list later. You really can't confine SuperNerdiness to just 5 simple points. It's a lifestyle that takes commitment.

Hellzaballer

I went dancing on Friday and thankfully someone got some footage of it. I'm the one in the chef's hat not wearing any pants. It got hot in there, ok? Don't judge me.

Wait'll You See My Gidget...

I love cold weather.
But not in May.
It's bumming me out.
I want to be these people.

(Be forewarned. There's some severe arm flinging, booty shaking, hip gyrating going on here)



Or Gidget.



You see before you, me, Kelly, pretending to be Gidget last summer. Or possibly some kind of blind big-beaked bird (which, as you may know, is not the only time I've experienced an identity crisis).
















This year, I plan on channeling Buster Keaton.























The best part is that I won't even have to wait for it to warm up. Pop on a suit and a lecherous attitude and there you go.
Just wild! Groovy man...










(And yes, the title IS a double entendre).

Girl Crush...ing Legs

I probably shouldn't tell people this, but I spent countless hours trying to find Heidi Klum's workout online.
I mean, I eventually found it, so that's, like, good, right? I'm not the only one out there trying to find it.
Seriously though. Who wouldn't want her body? Just look at these calves:

























Rawr...I am sexy German woman who could kill you with my legs.

I really could have just assumed she got those calves, walking in those heels. But she didn't. (As a side note, my family probably mentions at least 3 times per Project Runway episode how fit her calves are. And we always say it in a way that sounds like it's the first time we've ever noticed it and then get indignant if no one responds in an excited enough manner).

But here you all are. Heidi Klum's super hot workout... that I have bookmarked on my computer so I can use it whenever I'm not feeling lazy. And even though I get bored (tired) about halfway through my rounds, it makes me feel awesome knowing that I'm doing Heidi Klum's workout.
Look out world. I don't know if you'll be able to handle this.
HOT CALVES!

DT: May the Lithp Be With You

You might as well know now that I cried the first time I saw Han Solo get frozen.

Found at: - FilesTube

I don't know when I became "List Girl," (not to be confused with "Lithp Girl") but, well, that's who I've become.
Seriously though, how could I pass up the opportunity to educate the masses about Star Wars? (Like when I mention the Trilogy and some ign'ant person asks "Which one" and I'm forced to respond with, "Watch your mouth kid, or you’ll find yourself floating home.")
It's a simple fact that Star Wars quotes are appropriate for all occasions, in all situations, and by all people (and Jawas).

Statement: "Where are we and who the heck are you?"
Response: "Mos Eisley spaceport. You will never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy."

Statement: "Look at this awesome Snuggie I bought you!"
Response: "Into the garbage chute, flyboy!"

Statement: "I just bought the DVD set of 'Cop Rock'!"
Response: "I’ve got a very bad feeling about this."

Statement: "Mom! I got a gold star in finger painting!"
Response: "Great, Kid. Don't get cocky."

Statement: "Your car is a piece of crap. It doesn't even have a grill."
Response: "You’ve never heard of the Millennium Falcon? It’s the ship that made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs."

Statement: "What's that Buffy's cooking?"
Response: "Who's scruffy looking?"

Statement: "Swimming with sharks in a meat suit sounds like kind of a bad idea."
Response: "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

Statement: "Get your lazy butt off the couch and go find a job."
Response: "But I was going into Tosche Station to pick up some power converters!"

Statement: (Insert absolutely anything here)
Response: "...I know."

Click here, you must
(If you don't get a chance to watch the movies today.)

[New Addition]
Dana:
4:13 PM: todays starways day. may the 4th b with you ! (I assumed she meant Star Wars)

Kelly:
4:22 PM: Dana. Did you seriously not know that.

Dana:
4:22 PM: Nope. Shut up

Yes, we love each other, even though she may not have caught onto Star Wars Day despite the fact that she read my blog and I told her I was watching the entire Trilogy today.
So. She made this for all you bean poles that may also not have known:

Mommy Dearest

Today's my mom's birthday.
I will neither tell you how old she is, nor how many times she has tried to make us forget it's her birthday, while simultaneously hinting around what she wants us to get her. It's like when she complains that we never take pictures of her, yet when we try to, she hides saying things like "Noooohhh dohn't take my picture now! I look terrible." (The added letters are not accidental. She's from Wisconsin.)
But seriously...she's a wonderful mom.
It's made me think about who I would absolutely never want to be my mom.
Case in Point:
Lucille Bluth
She singlehandedly destroys not only her family's company, but also emotionally stunts every single one of her children. Plus she's a terrorist. Hilarious? Yes. Good mom? No.














I'll leave when I'm good and ready.


Julie Cooper
She sleeps with her daughter's ex. This may explain why Marissa becomes quite possibly the most irritating character on television. Ever.

















Luke is just here to defrag my hard drive.

I don't even know where to go from here. Except that had Terri Schuester actually been pregnant, I would have included her. Yikes.

Here's to my mom.
And next to week to everyone else's mom.
But mine totally takes top billing.
Bada Bing!