Only You Can Prevent Whale Revolution

Why am I the only person in the world who's scared of whales? Does no one else realize that those giant blubber-masses are called "Killer Whales" for a reason??

One of my most frequently recurring nightmares features me (in slow-mo-mode, of course) falling into a whale tank or the whale tank breaking and spilling water everywhere and I'm left to run away from it or entering a dark room only to have a giant whale tank light up in neon purple like in "Free Willy." And of course every single time I have this dream, I jolt awake covered in sweat, which freaks me out even more, because I think that it must be aquarium water.

So imagine my horror, when I discovered that today, May 28, is Whale Day.
WHALE.
DAY.
WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING?????
Whose idea was this???? Do they really think that empowering whales in this way is a GOOD idea?? Thanks to you, holiday-maker-upper-guy, the whales now have a prime opportunity to take over the world. Way to go.
Let's think here...
Monstro: the only time I can ever remember crying in the movie theater is when "Pinocchio" was re-released and we accidentally came into the theater too early and just so happened to see the part where Monstro was thrashing across the sea. I burst into tears and had to be carried out into the lobby.

Unidentified Whale: I don't know what this is, but it's horrifying and makes me want to cry.


Humphrey: Oh. Right. You expect us to believe that you were just "wayward"? Such a liar. Doing reconnaissance is more like it, you little sneak.

Tilikklilium: I neither understand nor care about the politics of this picture. Here's the point. Whales. Are. On. Land.

I hope this was enlightening. And terrifying.
Just remember this mantra:
Jail the whales...Jail the whales...Jail the whales...








[This is obviously a much needed topic, since I am apparently the only one to search for "murderous whales" on Google images.]