Post About Blood by a Girl with Vampire Teeth. Let's All Laugh Together

I like random facts. That's just the way it is. That's probably why when I blog you can get anything ranging from my inordinate love of Star Wars to Heidi Klum's Workout to Hollywood's Hall of Creepers (which, ps, it's totally that time of year again. God bless the rain for keeping them inside).
The proof is in the pudding. So to speak.
All this to say, I got a book from the library. Not because I'm a super health nut or against practiced medicinein any way, but simply because I like facts. It's a fact. I like facts. Facts facts facts.
(I'm saying that like Hobbes from Calvin and Hobbes. I just went to find a link to the comic I'm talking about and holy cow. There's a site just for the comic I want. Don't Knock My Smock or I'll Clean You're Clock. Seriously. )

So in the pursuit of (sometimes) useless knowledge...presenting... (dun dun dundun duh dun duh dah!!!):
4 Blood Types, 4 Diets. Eat Right for Your Type: The Individualized Diet Solution to Staying Healthy, Living Longer and Achieving Your Ideal Weight by Dr. Peter J. D'Adamo with Catherine Whitney
I'm assuming they had a real crack book jacket writer and had to include a summary of the book as part of the title. That really can be the only acceptable reason for having a title that long.

Simply put, different blood types require different diets. Not like "lose weight" diet. But "eating properly" diet. For me--type A--it seems fairly accurate. I'm what you could call dainty. Or a weak gazelle if you're out in the wild. It seems to make sense thus far. If animals range from carnivores to herbivores to whatever you call an animal that eats plants and little bugs (e.g. Timon and Pumbaa) why shouldn't people? Yes, this is a faulty argument, but what are you going to do? Kill the poor sick gazelle? How dare you.

Enough blithleblathling.
Here's the site
I recommend the book, however. It actually explains the science behind it, rather than being some bizarre alternative medicine with no scientific proof to back it up. I'm going to try it. See how I feel. If I grow a couple extra legs or antlers or anything I'll be sure to let you know.

Northern Exposure--My Dirty Little Secret Revealed

We all know I hate John Corbett. He's gross and slithery and I just don't like him. He gives me the creeps.

I, therefore, have been hiding the fact that I've been watching "Northern Exposure" for the last couple of months. For those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, "Northern Exposure" is this quirky early 90's TV show set in Alaska. And Corbett may or may not be an actor in it. And I may or may not sort of tolerate his character in the show. And sometimes even find him funny and endearing. I'm so ashamed.

See? He's completely clothed. Almost a normal person.

It could be the fact that Corbett's character, Chris, is a radio personality who plays a wonderful selection of music and who occasionally reads classic books over the air. Plus he sometimes wears his cute little John Lennon glasses.
Until today.
Today's episode features Chris, who apparently secretes some kind of pheromone that attracts women. They flock to him and he...has his way with them.
This could be the episode that triggers his creepy slithery personality.
I could be watching his downfall as I type. This is a sad, sad day. I feel like I understand so much more now. Like I really understand the way the world works and it's a terrible, terrible place.

Enough about Creeper McCreeperson. Highlights of the show (which you should definitely watch):

Moose walking across the street in front of a marijuana mural

Examining the body of a man who got hit by satellite debris.

This is Adam. He's a rumored Sasquatch, but is, in all actuality, a culinary chef.

This is Maggie. My sister thinks I look like her. I think she's insane.

If You're Creepy and You Know It Raise Your Hand

Ahhh Spring. When a young man's character turns to creepy.

They hoot and holler.
They bark and call...er.

These young caterpillars emerge from Winter hibernation in their new form.
Worms.
Creepy, crawly, icky worms that I would like to squash on the street corners they hang out on.

In distaste for these creatures, I have compiled a list of my favorite creepies from the land of Hollywood, each with their own take on creepy.

1. "I will make you my pet"
Crispin Glover as Willard Stiles
I don't think this needs further explanation. Who wants to wake up to this every morning? Although you probably would get fed lots of cheese, which I love...



















2. "I like to grovel and not shower"
Mr. Collins from the A&E Pride & Prejudice mini-series
Seen below in his signature shushing move:













"Shuuuussshhh, Mr. Collins."

3. "I don't mind making human sacrifices while playing the ukulele in tulip fields"
Tiny Tim

























"Oops, did I just kill the person whose grave I'm now standing on? Tee-hee! *twang twang*"

4. "I love my mother. Oh, and I'll kill you."
Norman Bates from "Psycho"
The real issue I have with Norman isn't the fact that he kills people. This guy has serious mother issues! I mean he takes "Momma's Boy" to a whole new level! Poor Norman. It's not his fault his mother coddled him as a child.




















I don't find this owl creepy. Just charmingly bizarre.

5. "All of my thoughts, actions, and orifices are dirty"
Pick any character any of these guys have ever played in any movie.
Except Paul Rudd. I find myself attracted to his nerdy roles.
Oh shut up.















"We're all thinking dirty thoughts...rawrrr..."

6. "I like to slither around and be overly effeminate while making awkward comments."
John Corbett as Pastor Dan in "Raising Helen"
or as Ian Miller in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding"
or as Lars Hammond in "Serendipity"
or as John Corbett in "Real Life"

The worst part is that as I was looking for pictures, Google suggested "John Corbett shirtless."
Bleh! Seriously?? People seriously want to see this guy shirtless??














"I'm a sexy man of God, and I know it."

7. "No, not now. I'm brooding."
Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen
I realize I'm opening a can of worms with this one, but let me explain.
Book Edward is well-spoken, sweet, and clever.
Movie Edward is awkward, brooding, over-protective, and just plain weird.
I have no desire to ever be your spider monkey.

People really find this attractive?





















"I knew I forgot something when I got dressed this morning! At least I remembered my sexy wristband and hair product. "

My choice out of all of these?
Willard. I've always loved rats. Plus he would feed me cheese. How could that possibly go wrong?