Scenes from: Life as a Vampire (Some with Slight Revisions)

Orthodontist: Wow. You've got some really pointy canines.
Adolescent Kelly: Ehhhhhhh, yes?
O: You know when we get these braces off, we can file those down for you.
AK: Oh. Uhhhh. No, thanks. I'll be needing those. *Fft Fft attack!*


Random Stranger: Dude! You have awesome vampire teeth!
Kelly: Yes, I do.
RS: Are those like, natural, or did you get them, like sharpened or something?
K: Yes, they are natural. Plus, I file them to a point on human neck-flesh every night when I feed. On an unrelated note, what's your address and do you have a particular time by which you know you'll be asleep tonight?
K: Mom, my throat really hurts this morning. Oh and I was up all night with a stomachache. Oh and I couldn't breathe. Oh and I want to die.
Mom: Well, do you think you're sick?
K: No, I think I'm probably allergic to something I ate. I felt like this the last time we ate out too.
M: Do you have any idea of what it could be? What you ate both times?
K: No, I mean except- Oh. My. Gosh.
M: What?
K: The Caesar Salad.
M: Why do you think it's that?
K: It has tons of............garlic. *audience gasp. hair flip. striking glance to camera. quick scene cut.*

Fin.

Until next time...
Farewell.
Lock your windows.
And be nice to me.
For your own good.